Contemplation on Loneliness

DISCLAIMER: This is by no means a social study on loneliness and I am by no means a psychiatrist. This is simply what I’ve seen in my own experience and what I have concluded from those experiences.

Recently I’ve noticed a trend with many people who are single and struggle with PMO. Loneliness is a huge factor in their lives. it had me thinking… what is the emotion of loneliness and how can we break it down and analyze it to be able to combat it. I don’t believe that the solution to not feeling lonely is to socialize (although this may give temporary relief). There are people who have many friends yet still feel extremely lonely. You can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely.

I’ve had a period of roughly 6 years in my life where I didn’t have a girlfriend, and I would only see my friends 1 day during the week. Yet during this time I’ve never felt lonely. I was fairly contempt with myself. I was even ok with the idea of being a celibate for the rest of my life. I had no desire for an intimate relationship.

Over the past month I’ve dated this girl for 3 weeks and broke up. We got very intimate (no sex though). And at this point I’ve felt lonelier than I’ve ever felt before. The feeling of loneliness would be at it’s strongest the day after just seeing her. I’d have this intense emotion of missing her, of wanting to be with her, almost like a craving.

Loneliness is the withdrawal of intimacy.

I truly believe that the 2 are linked hand in hand. Notice I did not say absence, but withdrawal. Meaning that without first the sense of intimacy you will not get the sense of loneliness. Say there is a highschool student that all his friends are in a relationship except for him, he will have this strong urge of loneliness and a desire to be with someone, and at times this desire can cloud his judgment where he can become desperate and end up with someone that might not be the best fit for him. Now say that there was the same student and he went to an all boys school so no one around was dating anyone. The feeling of loneliness will not exist in his mind. The desire to have a girlfriend may be irrelevant in his mind (taking out other social situations outside of school).

That being said, even the image of intimacy will give us a feeling of intimacy, regardless of it being pointed towards us or not. Just as an image of sex will give us the urge for sex. This is why Rom-Coms exist. They give us an image of a relationship and it creates in us a desire to acquire that relationship, and if we don’t have it, it leads to loneliness.

The main problem here is the image of intimacy that we create in our minds.

What I want people to know is that feeling lonely is not because you are alone, it’s because you have the image of intimacy in your mind. Take out that image first and the feeling of loneliness will fade with it. Fulfilling that fantasy of the image of intimacy can actually make your loneliness worse.

Until you empty your mind of all desires for intimacy, then can you truly build healthy intimate relationships that do no cause loneliness.

Sincerely,

SS

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Complacent With Misery

I’ve recently watched a youtube video, by one of the very well known youtubers. His video was titled “Forced Positivity”. Essentially during the whole video he talks about how there is this trend of people who are acting as if they are happy all the time, and are not being honest with themselves. He then makes the distinction that constant happiness can not be achieved and to be honest is better then to be happy. During the whole video he gave off a sense of bitterness. This had me thinking about several different things. I would have to ask a couple of questions and ponder them.

Why has modern society become complacent with misery,

or rather the lack of true happiness that we see in today’s world. Modern society has skewed the image of happiness to this superficial fleeing emotions. Now this youtuber is known to be very well off and makes more money in a year then like 90% of the worlds population, he also has a very beautiful girlfriends and a loving family and friends. So why then does he come off as bitter? you can almost see it in his eyes that he just isn’t happy, as he would put it “I’m just ok…”.

You kind of have to sit back and think about the wise old proverb that “things” cannot buy you happiness, but neither can family and friends apparently. Whats he missing?

I’ve always like to view true happiness as not an overly chipper emotions, but rather a state of internal harmony and a content spirit. You are not in need or want of anything. Not only that, but you come to a realization, that you have no control over your own life so you leave it to the powers that be. When we try to control every aspect of our lives we’ll just end up driving ourselves insane. When we try to fulfill our lives with things such as money, success, friends, fun etc… we end up becoming internally empty.

This “emptiness” is what causes bitterness, depression, loneliness, sadness and so on. The truly sad thing is we’ve made this the norm. Everyone feels these things and we’ve just accepted it… we’ve stopped asking the question: is there something better then this?

I’m not going to list off “the top 5 things you can do to be happy!” because that’s non-sensical. Rather I implore the reader to meditate on what it truly means to be happy, and how can he achieve that True happiness?

 

The Solitary Scribe.

Darkness Takes Hold

Although darkness takes hold…

you lay awak to behold beauity so bold…

the winds gloom, as the moon cries…

the tears falling from the heavens, as it dies…

the darkness of the weary clouds stare…

into the eyes of light, as it ponders to dare…

to embrace love, is to indure hate…

the stars pray, choose wisely your fate…

in the depths of the heavens they seek…

lurking for truth, the face of the moon concrete….

stareing upon us; eyes so weary and sad…

tears fall to life, the waves not eager but glad…

the calm hum of the passing shore…

sand soft as silk, as the oceans lay to bore…

trees dance, in the presance of time…

free of burdens, they sing beauitful rhym…

wispers of the hallow creek…

life is everything, soft and bleek…

you gently close your eyes, cold…

as the warmth of the darkness takes hold…

Driven

Driven by the two Beings inside me.

Not really sure which one to follow…

The First, covered with gold, holding pleasure in one hand, and poison in the other.

The Second, covered with dirt, naked, holding beauty in one hand, and loneliness in the other.

Each of these Beings had convincing arguments.

But my heart ponders and contemplates…

My mind eager to choose…

As I stare, both of them quiet now..

I ask them, which one of you will be a home for my heart, which one will bring me rest?

The First, reaches in his pocket and takes out a diamond, beautiful and fragile.

My heart leaps for her and her beauty.

I take the diamond from his hand, and as I look into her I see my reflection.

I set the diamond gently on the table.

I raise my eyes to the Second, his eyes weary, with bags underneath, brushing his fingers through his beard and thinking.

He raises his hand to the sky, a white dove lands on his finger.

He stares back down on me , the dove flying from his hand to mine, He smiles, not saying a word.

With his silent gesture, a calm breeze of relief passes through me.

I pick up the diamond from the table with my left hand, as I held the dove in my right.

Both beings stare back politely, both with one voice, “Now it is you who carries the burden of choice.”

The Poison of Superficiality

I’ve been recently contemplating the superficial nature of our current western civilization. Without needing myself to dive into depth and detail, it is pretty self-evident that western civilization has become more superficial over the centuries. But why? What caused the, if not; inevitable death of genuinity, and the ever glorification of superficiality. Why do we as humans seek after the image, the thought, the mirage. It seems to me that our life has become filtered down to, what is the next big and awesome thing I can purchase, or what awesome adventure can I experience next, what feeling I need next to fill me with “happiness”. It’s sad to say, but our superficial nature as even penetrated that which we see is genuine. For example, think of what the “perfect” image of a family is; you’ll picture a handsome husband and a beautiful wife, who are always smiling and gazing in each others eyes, and all the kids are beautiful and in perfect health. With this initial image in your head, you begin to add more; an upgraded image if you will (Kind of like an upgrade on a car). This new image upgrade would add details to the story forming in your head like, both the husband and wife would be making good money, they would have a beautiful home, the kids would be extremely smart and grow up to be doctors, and so on and on; The image yet dives deeper into: “the husband and wife will have an intense emotion of love towards each other”. All these things sound pleasing to the ear, and in fact many of us would claim that, if they were to have all of that, that they would be happy. This image of this perfect family seems to be an image of perfection. It is a perfect image which we try to achieve. Now I’m not saying that everyone is just looking to get married and have kids. Some people have a desire to become famous, or wealthy, or athletic or no desire at all. In all these situations, there is an image of perfection in our minds that is constantly posted in front of us. This is the reason you wake up every morning and fulfill the same mundane duties of daily life, in hopes of achieving this perfect image.

It Appears that we lust after the image of a certain worldly desire, that the image is more appealing than the substance itself, and in turn this lust of image gives us a false sense of purpose. The purpose being: to obtain this-worldly desire, and in doing so will make us happy. Of course this false realization and thought will only bring on despair, or worse; a dependence on the “worldly happiness”, which western civilization stresses us to achieve. When we become depended on this world and what it has to offer, and in those split seconds where we are forced to stop suckling on the poison of her bosom, we begin to feel the crushing weight of emptiness, darkness and ineffable despair. Truly hell on earth.

We can therefore conclude that the root of superficiality is the innate desire for happiness. But at what extent did happiness become about that which is superficial? And how far will mankind go to achieve his happiness.

Alas, I have come to an end to my thought. I would have more to say regarding this topic, but in another section. Please comment your thoughts and let me know what you think.

A Genuine Thanks

Best Regards

The Solitary Scribe

Introduction

Hmm, How very typical that the first thing written on this blog is an introduction to a blog. It’s a bit of a silly concept to think of, but I digress. I’m not starting this blog to write about random events that happened in my life, nor to express my deep love for my favourite type of ice-cream. No. This will be a place to let the rivers of my imagination run wild. A place where my thoughts and perceptions come to life in word. I figured this is a good way to open a small window to whats happening inside my mind. And who knows, maybe you’ll like it and stick around, or maybe you’ll become severely frightened and abandon your faith in humanity. So strap on your helmets and lets explore the wilderness of the human mind, in hopes of achieving; if not, the smallest seed of delightful entertainment.